some heights
March 30, 2007 by Suree · Leave a Comment
1. What is height of Fashion?
Dhoti with a zip
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2. What is height of Secrecy?
Offering blank visiting cards .
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3. What is height of Activelaziness?
Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
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4. What is height of Laziness?
Adopting a child.
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5. What is height of Craziness?
Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.
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6. What is height of Forgetfulness?
Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
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7. What is height of Stupidity?
A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
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8. What is height of Honesty?
A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.
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9. What is height of Suicide?
A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
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10. What is height of De-hydration?
A cow giving milk powder
spirit of sardar
March 30, 2007 by Suree · Leave a Comment
George Bush was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his
telephone rang.
“Hallo, Mr. Bush!” a heavily accented voice said, “This is Gurmukh from
Phagwara, District Kapurthala, Punjab. I am ringing to inform you that we
are ophicially declaring the war on you!”
“Well, Gurmukh,” Bush replied, “This is indeed important news! How big is
your army”
“Right now,” said Gurmukh, after a moment’s calculation, “there is myself,
my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbour Harjit, and the whole kabaddi team
from the gurudwara. That makes eight of us”
Bush paused. “I must tell you, Gurmukh that I have one million men in my
army waiting to move on my command.”
“Arrey O, main kya.. ,” said Gurmukh. “I’ll have to ring you back!”
Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again.
“Mr. Bush, it is Gurmukh, I’m calling from Phagwara STD, the war is still
on! We have managed to get some more inphantry equipment!”
“And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh,” Bush asked.
“Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Harjit’s tractor.”
Bush sighed. “I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000
armored personnel carriers. Also, I’ve increased my army to 1-1/2 million
since we last spoke.”
“Oh teri ….” said Gurmukh. “I’ll have to get back to you.”
Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day.
“Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves
airborne…… We’ve modified Harjit’s tractor by adding a couple of
shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind’s generator. Four school pass
boys from Malpur have also joined us as.”
Bush was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. “I must tell you,
Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military
complex is surrounded by laser-equiped, surface-to-air missile sites. And
since we last spoke, I’ve increased my army to TWO MILLION!”
“Tera pala hove….” said Gurmuk, “I’ll have to ring you back.”
Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day.
“Kiddan, Mr. Bush! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the
war.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” said Bush. “Why the sudden change of heart,” may I
ask?.
.
.
.
.
.
.
“Well,” said Gurmukh, “we’ve all had a long chat over a couple of lassi’s,
and decided there’s no way we can feed two million prisoner of war!”
Hights of optimism
March 30, 2007 by Suree · Leave a Comment
INDIA failed to make into Super 8.. But don’t lose hope…
Here’s an interesting fact…
1992 World cup- India didn’t make into the second round.
1996 – India went to semi finals.
1999 – India didn’t make into the second round.
2003 – India went to Finals.
2007 – India didn’t make into the second round
2011 – Guess??? INDIA IS THE WINNER……
IS this called Optimism?
The other name of Custard Apple
March 30, 2007 by Suree · Leave a Comment
This happens if people don’t follow naming conventions.
NOT sure which office canteen… 
Have a look at the menu at an office canteen….
Its a masterpiece!!!!
didn’t get it…???? Its Seetaphal (Custard Apple…)
CAnteen Menu TOtal comedy
March 30, 2007 by Suree · Leave a Comment
This happens if people don’t follow naming conventions.
NOT sure which office canteen…
Have a look at the menu at an office canteen….
Its a masterpiece!!!!
didn’t get it…???? Its Seetaphal (Custard Apple…)
ULtimate JOke
March 30, 2007 by Suree · Leave a Comment
One morning at a doctor’s clinic,a patient arrives complaining of
serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him” OK, what
happened to your back?”
The patient replies “You know that I work for a local night club? This
morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my
bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the
balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find
anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he
was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at
him, That?s how I strained my back”
The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The
doctor said “My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible. What
the hell happened to you?”
He replied, “You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was
the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running
late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same
time, and you won’t believe it but I was hit by a fridge.”
The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two
Patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, “What the hell happened
to youuuuuu…..?”
“Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor……..
COW isms, ultimate relation of everythingw with cow
March 30, 2007 by Suree · Leave a Comment
Chandrababuism
You have two cows in Vijayawada. You hook them to internet and milk them from Hyderabad.
YSRism
You have two cows .Distrubute milk for free to 10 crore population
Jayalalithaism
You have two cows. You teach them to cry,”Ammaaaaaaa…” and fall at your
feet.
Karunanidhiism
You have two cows. You give one to your son and the other to your nephew.
Gandhism
You have two cows. But you drink goat’s milk.
Indiraism
You have two bulls. You adamantly consider them as cows.
Lalooism
You have two cows. You buy Rs. 900 Crore worth of cattlefeed for them.
Rajnikantism
You have two cows. You throw them into air and catch their milk in your
mouth.
Rajivism
You have two cows. You paint them both to get colourful milk.
Softwarism:(Ultimate….)
Client has 2 cows and u need to milk them
1 . First prepare a document when to milk them (Project kick off)
2 . Prepare a document how long you have to milk them (Project plan)
3 . Then prepare how to milk them (Design)
4 . Then prepare what other accessories are needed to milk them
(Framework)
5 . Then prepare a 2 dummy cows (sort of toy cows) and show to client the
way in which u will milk them (UI Mockups & POC)
6 . If client is not satisfied then redo from step 2
7 . You actually start milking them and find that there are few problem
with accessories. (Change framework)
8 . Redo step 4
9 . At last milk them and send it to onsite. (Coding over)
10. Make sure that cow milks properly ( Testing)
11. Onsite reports that it is not milking there.
12. You break your head and find that onsite is trying to milk from bulls
13. At last onsite milk them and send to client (Testing)
14. Client says the quality of milk is not good. (User Acceptance Test)
15. Offsite then slogs and improves the quality of milk
16. Now the client says that the quality is good but its milking at slow
rate (performance issue)
17. Again you slog and send it with good performance.
18. Client is happy???
By this time both the COWs aged and cant milk. (The software got old and
get ready for next release repeat from step 1) !
poor jokes
March 12, 2007 by Suree · Leave a Comment
It takes thousand workers 2 build a castle, Million soldiers 2 protect a Country, but just One woman 2 make a Happy Home!
Let’s Thank… KAAMWALI BAI
2) Boy: I’m not rich like Rahul, I don’t even have a big car like Rahul, but I really Luv U!
Girl: I luv u too, but tell me more about Rahul.
3) Angry boss: Tumne kabhi Ullu dekha hai?Executive (sar jhukate hue): Nahin sir.
Boss: Niche kya dekh rahe ho ? Meri taraf dekho.
4) Q: Agar do pipal ke Pedon ko ek rassi se bandh diya jaye to us rassi ko kya Kahenge?
A: Us rassi ko bolengey NOKIA - Connecting pipal
5) Ek yug tha jab log apne ghar ke dwar pe likhte the: ATITHI DEVO BHAVA
Phir likha: SHUBH LABH
Phir likhne lage: U R WELCOME
Aur ab likhte hain: KUTTON SE SAVDHAN
6) Khuda kare tujhe khushiyan hazaar mile, mujhse bhi achche yaar mile, Meri galfriend tujhe raakhi baandhe aur tujhe ek aur behan ka pyar mile
7) It takes 15 trees to produce the amount of paper that we use to write one exam.
Join us in promoting the noble cause of saving trees. SAY NO TO EXAMS
British Humor
March 12, 2007 by Suree · Leave a Comment
A young Essex woman goes to the local council to register for child
benefits.
“How many children?” asks the council worker.
“Ten,” replies the Essex woman.
“Ten!”, says the council worker. “What are their names?”
“Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne,”
says the Essex woman.
“Doesn’t that get confusing?” asks the council worker.
“Naah,” says the Essex woman. “It’s great because if they are out playing
in the street I just have to shout, ‘WAAYNE, YER DINNER’S READY’ or ‘WAAYNE
GO TO BED NOW’ and they all do it.”
“What if you want to speak to individually?” asks the perturbed council
worker.
“That’s easy,” says the young woman, “I just use their surnames.”
hahahhahaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!11
March 12, 2007 by Suree · Leave a Comment
A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different
hell for each country. He goes to the German hell and asks, “What do
they do here?” He told,”First they put you in an electric chair for An
hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then The German devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day.”
The man does not like the sound of that at all,so he moves on. He checks
out the USAhell as well as the Russian hell and many more.
He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German
hell.
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long
line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, “What do they do
here?”
He told, “First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then
they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil
comes in and beats you for the rest of the day.” “But that is exactly
the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting
to get in?”
“Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair
does not work,someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the
devil is a Software Engineer, so he comes in, signs the register and
then goes to the Cafeteria!!!!! !
