4 Best Chinese jokes!!

i liked the third on,its realyy superb

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

Baby’s name in bihari style (Don’t miss)

A BIHARI WAS WORKING IN MUMBAI, AND DID NOT MEET HIS

wife for four (4) years while his wife was in Patna ( Bihar).

At the end of 4 years he distributed sweets to his
colleagues in office stating that his wife had delivered a son.

His colleagues were quite shocked and they asked how this “Happy
event” happened when he had not seen his wife for four years…

The man said it is common in Bihar that neighbours take care of the
wife (good Samaritans) when men are away.

The colleagues asked him, “What name will you give to the son?”

The man explained, “If its the second neighbour who has taken
care,then the name would be “DWIVEDI”;

If it is the third neighbour then it would
be “TRIVEDI”,

If it is the fourth neighbour then it
would be “CHATURVEDI”;

If its the fifth neighbour then it would
be “PANDEY”…

After listening to this, questions followed.

What if it is a mixture of neighbours?
“Then the boy would be named “MISHRA”…

And what if the wife is too shy to tell
the name of the neighbour?
Then it would be “SHARMA”…

But what if she refuses to divulge the
name of the neighbour?
Then the name of the child would be “GUPTA”…

If she does not remember the name then?
“It is YAAD-AV”

But who knows whether the child resulted
from a rape?
Then it will be named “DOSHI”…

Finally, if the child happened because
of wife’s burning desire?
Then he will be named “JOSHI”…

And if the whole country had made efforts
for the happy arrival?….
“DESHPANDEY.”

sardar jokes starting from second

2. Sardar : You cheated me.
Shopkeeper: How ?
Sardar : YOu said this is American made radio. But when I put it ON, it says All India Radio.

3. Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket.
He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass.

4. Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

5. On a romantic day sardar’s girlfriend asks him. Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring.
Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.

6. Doctor to patient : YOu will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one before you die.
Patient : Yes. A good doctor.

7. Two sardars were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have a one more.

9. Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why are you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.

10. Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with “T”.
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.

12 .. American told sardar : Hamare desh me 90% shaadi e-mail se hoti hai.
Sardar : Kya bath hai. Hamari desh me 100% female se hoti hai.

13. How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?
Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it.

Dangers of hinting ( Requirement not captured properly ;) )

The wife was very unhappy with her car and complained a lot to her husband:

Knowing her birthday was coming up shortly, she said to her husband…
‘Buy me a surprise for my birthday!’ she said.
‘Something that accelerates from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds! And I would prefer a blue one!’

Happy and excited she was counting down the days to her birthday.

And on the day she finally she got the beautiful present her husband thoughtfully bought….

WEIGHING MACHINE

The poor guy is dead today, and his wife’s in jail for a brutal murder !

Driving License in IRAQ

DIFFICULT QUESTIONS AND INTELLIGENT ANSWERS!

Not only our technical knowledge helps, but also the presence of mind and the right answer at right time. Even if u don’t know the answer for a question just confuse the questioner

Question and the Answer given by Candidates oh sorry they are IAS Officers now.

Q.How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)

Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 Rank Opted for IFS)

Q.If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?

A. Very large hands.(Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)

Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find! an elephant with one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)

Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs , He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)

Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)

Q. What looks like half apple ?
A : The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper )

Q. What can you never eat for breakfast ?
A : Dinner.

Q. What happened when wheel was invented ?
A : It caused a revolution.

Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A : Liquid (UPSC 33Rank )

Interviewer said “I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question. Think well before you make up your mind!” The boy thought for a while and said, “my choice is one really difficult question.”

“Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this. “What comes first, Day or Night?”

The boy was jolted into reality as his admission depends on his answer, but he thought for a while and said, “It’s the DAY sir!”

“How” the interviewer asked,

“Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!”

He was selected for IIM!

“Technical Skill is the mastery of complexity, while Creativity is the master of presence of mind”

good one.. read till the end..

One politician, One thief & One Programmer died & went straight to hell.

Politician said “I miss my country. I want to call my country and see how
everybody is doing there.”

She called and talked for about 5 minutes, then she asked “Well, devil how
much do I need to pay for the call????

The devil says “Five million dollars”.

The Politician wrote him a cheque and went to sit back on her chair.

Thief was so jealous, he starts screaming, “My turn! I wanna call the my
group members, I want to see how everybody is doing there too”

He called and talked for about 2 minutes, then he asked “Well, devil how
much do I need to pay for the call????

The devil says “Ten million dollars”.

With a smug look on his face, he made a cheque and went to sit back on his
chair.

Programmer was even more jealous & starts screaming, “I want to call my IT
friends too”,

He called other IT person and he talked for twenty hours about various
technologies and Project Managers, he talked & talked & talked, then he
asked “Well, devil how much do I need to pay for the call????

The devil says “Twenty dollars”.

Programmer is stunned & says “Twenty dollars??? Only ??”

Devil says
-
-
-
-
“Calling hell to hell is local“

Kid’s cute answers

KIDS IN GRADE SCHOOL THINK FAST

TEACHER : Why are you late?
WEBSTER : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign
WEBSTER : The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”
_____________

TEACHER : Cindy, why are you doing your math multiplication on the
floor?
CINDY : You told me to do it without using tables!
_____________

TEACHER : Jo, how do you spell “crocodile?”
JOHN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L”
TEACHER : No, that’s wrong
JOHN : Maybe it’s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
_____________

TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH : H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
SARAH : Yesterday you said it’s H to O!
______________

TEACHER : George, go to the map and find North America .
GEORGE : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS : George!
______________

TEACHER: Willie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t
have ten years ago.
WILLIE : Me!
______________

TEACHER : Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY : Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.
______________

TEACHER : Ellen, give me a sentence starting with “I.”
ELLEN : I is…
TEACHER : No, Ellen….. Always say, “I am.”
ELLEN : All right… “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”
_____________

TEACHER : “Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?”
JOHNNY : “Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day,
same time.”
_____________

TEACHER : “George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn’t
punish him?”
JOHNNY : “Because George still had the ax in his hand.”
______________

TEACHER : Now, ! Sam, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before
eating?
SAM : No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.
_______________

TEACHER : Desmond, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as
brother’s. Did you copy his?
DESMOND : No, teacher, it’s the same dog!
______________

TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people
are no longer interested?
PUPIL : A teacher.
__._,_.___

Poor Jokes

1)It takes thousand workers 2 build a castle, Million soldiers 2 protect a Country, but just One woman 2 make a Happy Home!
Let’s Thank… KAAMWALI BAI

2) Boy: I’m not rich like Rahul, I don’t even have a big car like Rahul, but I really Luv U!
Girl: I luv u too, but tell me more about Rahul.

3) Angry boss: Tumne kabhi Ullu dekha hai?Executive (sar jhukate hue): Nahin sir.
Boss: Niche kya dekh rahe ho ? Meri taraf dekho.

4) Q: Agar do pipal ke Pedon ko ek rassi se bandh diya jaye to us rassi ko kya Kahenge?
A: Us rassi ko bolengey NOKIA - Connecting pipal

5) Ek yug tha jab log apne ghar ke dwar pe likhte the: ATITHI DEVO BHAVA
Phir likha: SHUBH LABH
Phir likhne lage: U R WELCOME
Aur ab likhte hain: KUTTON SE SAVDHAN

6) Khuda kare tujhe khushiyan hazaar mile, mujhse bhi achche yaar mile, Meri galfriend tujhe raakhi baandhe aur tujhe ek aur behan ka pyar mile

7) It takes 15 trees to produce the amount of paper that we use to write one exam.
Join us in promoting the noble cause of saving trees. SAY NO TO EXAMS

Mind teasers (KEEP WATCHING OR SOLUTIONS ON 21/2/2007)

Some of these are really very good…worth reading…..

If you are good in lateral thinking, then you can be a good strategic
thinker or… be a part of Think Tank. Here is an interesting quiz to
test your Lateral Thinking abilities — Think!

1. There is a man who lives on the top floor of a very tall building.
Everyday he gets the elevator down to the ground floor to leave the
building to go to work.Upon returning from work though, he can only
travel half way up in the lift and has to walk the rest of the way
unless it’s raining! Why?

(This is probably the best known and most celebrated of all lateral
thinking puzzles. It is a true classic. Although there are many
possible solutions which fit the initial conditions, only the
canonical answer is truly satisfying. )

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2. A man and his son are in a car accident. The father dies on the
scene, but the child is rushed to the hospital. When he arrives the
surgeon says,

“I can’t operate on this boy, he is my son! “
How can this be?

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3. A man is wearing black. Black shoes, socks, trousers, lumper,
gloves and balaclava. He is walking down a black street with all the
street lamps off.

A black car is coming towards him with its light off but somehow
manages to stop in time. How did the driver see the man?

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4. Why is it better to have round manhole covers than square ones?
This is logical rather than lateral, but it is a good puzzle that can
be solved by lateral thinking techniques. It is supposedly used by a
very well-known software company as an interview question for
prospective employees.

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5. A man went to a party and drank some of the punch. He then left
early. Everyone else at the party who drank the punch subsequently
died of poisoning. Why did the man not die?

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6. A man walks into a bar and asks the barman for a glass of water.
The barman pulls out a gun and points it at the man. The man says
‘Thank you’ and walks out.

(This puzzle claims to be the best of the genre. It is simple in its
statement, absolutely baffling and yet with a completely satisfying
solution. Most people struggle very hard to solve this one yet they
like the answer when they hear it or have the satisfaction of figuring
it out. )
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